I don’t want to say “I don’t want” anymore. Shit. Just did it. Okay, second chance. What DO I want?
I want to speak more about what I desire and not…. aah, catching myself there.
What I desire is really selfish.
I want to be in that space where I feel really relaxed and happy. Even when I am doing things or in a busy environment. Because when I am there, I can enjoy more,
I can give more and I radiate.
I am learning to focus on what I desire, but is often still easier for me to say what I don’t want. Like, “I don’t want to be distracted by thoughts anymore when eating my food, so I can really enjoy it.”
What is the underlying desire? I want to FEEL good.
When I am thinking, I am mostly analyzing the past or the future and then I am not feeling. I am worrying. Maybe that is also a feeling. But it is not the feeling that I want. Oops, too late to catch that one.
What I DO want, is to enjoy my food. Or better, I want to enjoy myself when eating my food. I have seen that when I find the reason for my enjoyment outside of myself, it usually does not last long.
The neatest thing is when I enjoy without reason. I enjoy (myself) because I exist. I enjoy because life IS joy. It is the unconditional nature of life. We get to choose the good, the bad and the ugly. That is reason enough to celebrate.
What I desire is to enjoy myself more without needing any reason.
How do you do this? (I am giving myself advice.)
When you find an external reason that makes you feel good, ask yourself, “Could I be happy without this, too?” If you are still happy, you prove to yourself it is not the thing that makes you feel good, but your decision.
When you find reasons that make you feel bad, you are going to need quite some humility and courage. You need to let go of being being insistent in blaming an outside thing for taking away your well-being. Most people, including me, need to hit their head against the wall before they are willing to let go of their insistence.
You are also probably thinking in terms of vision and have forgotten about the underlying desires.
If you change your focus from what you don’t want to what you DO want, you will start to feel good again. It sounds easy, but people can be quite stubborn, even when they know this. (This I did not learn from reading a book.)